My Mission Chronicles

Sunday, July 31, 2011

The next morning was Sunday and mass at 7am. I had not been to a Roman Catholic mass in a long time. As I have said, the chapel is truly beautiful and I was looking forward to attending despite my own beliefs about the religion. All of the children were in attendance as were the Nuns, Mariel, Elena and I. The beautiful part of it was you could tell that the children wanted to be there. They seemed to find a sense of tranquility and safety here as was evident by their participation. It was a real treat when one of the Nuns began to play the guitar, Madre played the tambourine, and everyone began to sing. The little boys kept time by banging the pews on beat with the music, using them as an impromptu drum. I smiled at Carlito while he was banging away and he returned huge grin. Although I couldn’t follow the words, the mass was similar to my own Episcopal services so I didn’t feel out of sync. And while I didn’t understand the priest’s sermon in Spanish, when everyone began laughing at something he said, it was evident that he had a sense of humor. This was refreshing and I was glad to see that religion need not be “mucho serioso” all the time here.

After mass and a breakfast of scrambled eggs (yes, real scrambled eggs made by Sor M&M!) we left for La Finca, taking Allison with us. The drive was pleasant and I saw different areas of Nicaragua that I had not seen or known before. We drove through a city on the way, Jinotepe I think, and stopped briefly at a large church there. Madre spoke to someone and then hopped back in the truck. As we moved out of the city and back into the country, closer to the farm, we stopped to pick up three more nuns. We were already packed into the truck so two of the nuns sat on Madre in the front seat and the other squeezed in with the 4 of us in the back. Apparently these were the same nuns that lived at La Finca and they had walked into town for Sunday mass. They were easily 2 miles away from church when we found them on their return walk with another 1 mile to go; can you imagine a 6 mile trip to attend mass? That’s impressive!

Allison & me

The main farm building was not what I expected. It was large, open and spacious. And while it was not new, it did not seem to be in the same state of disrepair so evident at el Crucero. The nuns living area in the center of the building was pristine and the surrounding areas had terracotta floor tiles swept clean and large windows.

La Finca building

Allison had recognized three nuns and went happily off with them. Madre then took Mariel, Elena and I out for a tour. What I saw brought a huge smile to my face. This was a working farm! There were many types of produce and fruit being grown in orderly and well tended gardens. There were hundreds of tomatoes plants staked with strong branches and string, squash, peppers, rows and rows of red beans, watermelon, pumpkin, corn, and guava, mango, orange, mandarin and spice trees. And a few fruits I’d never even heard of! I was amazed and told Madre so.

Hundreds of tomato plants

She said that there biggest problem was not enough manpower to harvest and in the past, they had local workers do this for a 50/50 split of the produce. Her new plan was to hire a local family that they knew that would live and work at the farm, tend it and harvest it Then the Nuns would sell the produce at local markets and supermarkets. With this much produce; this would surely reap good profits. This woman was a dynamic business woman as well! I told her this and she laughed and hugged me.

At one point, Madre stood holding a shovel that consisted of a strong tree branch and a shovel head tied on with twine in one hand and talking on her cell phone on the other. The incongruousness of this made me laugh out loud.

Madre and shovel at La Finca

We worked our way back to the house, stopping to see what was left of the animals that the boys hadn’t sold out from under them. A herd of something that looked like a cross between a sheep and a goat ran by and there were also a bunch of chickens walking about eating what they found on the ground.
Once inside the house, the Nuns served us a refreshing cold drink (they had a working refrigerator) made of juice from one of the nameless Nicaraguan fruits on the farm. This was the same small yellow fruit that Madre had asked me to take a bite out of while we were walking. I did so and although I didn’t eat it, I didn’t mind the taste. The fruit drink was very good.

Mariel, Madre and mangos

Mariel and Elena went off to collect guava and mangos to bring back with them. I took this opportunity to take a walk by myself back up in to the fields. As I walked, I discovered Allison with one of the Nuns and our driver, trying to get some small fruit down from a large tree. After throwing sticks at the fruit, the driver climbed into the tree and began shaking the branches. As the fruits fell, Allison squealed with delight as she ran around helping the Sister to pick them up and put them in the bucket. I left her happily helping.

Allison collecting fruit

Farther up I encountered a pathway created by rain runoff with an army of ants marching up, each one holding a small piece of a leaf. There were thousands of them going by, oblivious to me or anything else. They were so industrious and I stopped to watch.

Marching ants

The tranquility of this place had seeped in and I felt a peace that I hadn’t known in a while. The sky was a beautiful blue, large white clouds and a comfortable temperature provided a different picture of Nicaragua. There was so much potential here; and it seemed that Madre was well on her way to reaping the benefits that would help them all. I let the peace of the place and the knowledge that good things were happening restore me.

Chapel at La Finca

Spending more time than I realized, I returned to find everyone waiting for me. We said “adios” to the 3 Sisters and piled back into the truck. After about 30 minutes, we arrived at the coffee farm in Masatepe. This was an added bonus as we didn’t know we would be traveling here as well. Madre had some business to take care of here but before she did so, she gave us a tour.

This facility is where the Novices come to study to be a nun. It is also a retreat center used by visitors who pay to do so, a coffee bean farm, and the local church. It was clearly self-sustaining. The retreat area was lovely with plants purposely planted for beauty and appeal, a gazebo to enjoy the gardens and immaculately tiled floors on the walkways. There were numerous buildings including a large chapel/church that was beautifully maintained as all chapels in Nica seemed to be.

Retreat Gardens

Madre left us to walk around, while Allison was again happy to play with people that she knew. Two of the young woman that had been at El Crucero and at Juan Pablo were there, Olga and Iveth, and she was happy to accompany them. Apparently, the nuns, the children and young adults all moved between facilities frequently.

Mariel, Elena and I walked through the coffee bean trees. I found it fascinating as I had never seen coffee growing before and the small green beans, not yet ready for harvest, covered every tree. The plants were strong and healthy-looking and well tended. I asked Madre later on about selling coffee which I know she planned to do. I also asked if she would have decaf available since this was not easy to find and she said yes. She explained that her brother had a coffee farm and he had given her guidance on what was needed. I know we will be able to help her sell this when it is harvested.

Coffee beans

We were served a lovely lunch of chicken, rice, cabbage slaw and plantains. After a while, Madre came to collect us and we started our return trip to El Crucero. Once there, Madre told us the driver would bring me back to the MoH compound and would also drop off Mariel and Elena. We went to get our bags and I began to say goodbye to the children. I didn’t like this part at all.

Unfortunately or fortunately, there weren’t many of them around but a few of the ever present little boys were. Kenneth, a serious little boy with pretty eyes and a shy smile, came up and put his arm around my waist and demanded to know when I would return. The tears I was trying to hold back started to come anyway and I choked out a “no se” as I really didn’t know when I would be returning. He wasn’t happy with that answer and started to press me further. “Enero?” January? “Febrero?” February? Again I told him I didn’t know as my mind reeled with chaos. When could I return? I just wasn’t sure but I didn’t like to think about not seeing all of them for a long period of time. Of course, I couldn’t convey any of this to him so I smiled down at him, squeezed him hard and kissed his forehead.

Kenneth

Sor M&M had been busy making cards with the children to give to their sponsors. I had given her a list matching each child up with their sponsors. In a few cases, due to attrition and non-renewals of sponsorships this year, there were some children without sponsors listed. I intended to re-shuffle sponsorship assignments when I returned home as we now had a number of new children to add to the program, but in the meantime, Carlito didn’t have a sponsor next to his name. Sor M&M questioned me about this and when I started to say, I would be assigning a new sponsor, I stopped and looked at Carlito’s hopeful little face. When I saw what began to be a crestfallen disappointment, I knew I needed to come up with a better answer. Luckily, Mariel solved the problem by volunteering that her mother Rita planned to sponsor a child and the issue was resolved. Carlito was very happy to know that his Madrina’s name was Rita.

Madre had suggested that I not say goodbye to Allison as this would most likely upset her. Not so much because I was leaving but because she wouldn’t be. I understood this of course but was disappointed not to be able to give her a kiss and hug until next time.

The truck was waiting and the three of us began to walk over to the main house to say goodbye to Madre. Sor M&M was going to follow shortly as she was still working on the cards. She seems to enjoy making them and was painstakingly cutting out flowers when I left her.

Madre was waiting by the door but she was not going to make the ride with us as it would only be a waste of what was left of the afternoon. I was not looking forward to saying goodbye to her either. As we hugged each other, Elena translated for me as I told her that I was so grateful to have been able to stay with her and so happy to see all of the progress that she had made. I promised that I would continue to try to help as much as we could. She then surprised me and said “none of this would have possible without my help”. Now, I know this is absolutely not true as she has been a whirlwind of progress and determination since February however, I was touched that she felt I had helped. I was full on crying when we hugged again.

Sor M&M arrived with the promised cards and I said another difficult goodbye. It is very possible that she will not be at El Crucero when I return next year and I may never see her again. This reality was in the back of my mind and I hugged her and the tears that had stopped, started up again. She smiled her beatific smile at me and we hugged one last time and I jumped in the truck. I will trust to God as to where our paths will lead us but she will be one of those people that I will never forget.

I said goodbye to Mariel when we dropped her off; she too will not be here when I return although I am sure we can keep in touch. I thanked her for all the good she has done the children; it has been a real blessing to them. Elena rode with me to the compound so she could instruct the driver and I said goodbye and thank you to her as well as I got out.

Once in the compound, a few people asked about my latest visit and I was happy to tell them. My agenda on these trips is such that I operate outside of the norm and this is puzzling to some people. I appreciated the opportunity to explain what I do and why I do it and especially what my goals are for the children.

After a very welcome shower, I sorted out my packing as I would be leaving with Sr. Debbie for the airport early the next morning. Later that evening, I sat with the group at our nightly meeting and my mind drifted to everything I had experienced on this trip. I was feeling much better than I had anticipated. Originally, I had been anxious about coming as I had begun to feel that we were making little progress. But now I felt that progress was indeed being made after all. (Vince had said just this to me before I left, I should have listened to him.) Most of the progress was due to Madre’s efforts but in a small way, I hope that we have helped also. This re-energized me for the work I would do when I returned home.

And I was ready to return home. The next morning I was packed and ready by 7am and we left at 8. I rode in the back of the truck (love that!) and enjoyed the sunshine and breeze while having some alone time to say goodbye to Nicaragua for a while. Hasta luego! I took a cab from the Caritas building where Sr. Debbie had her next meeting so that I would arrive at the airport with enough time.

Once at the airport and through security, I sat at the gate for a few hours which I didn’t mind at all since they had free wireless – who knew? I was even able to Skype with Vince for a little bit. I boarded my plane to Houston and without any complications arrived in Newark at 10:30pm later that evening. I was very happy to hug my husband who was waiting for me. And one of the first things I asked him was – will you come back to Nicaragua with me the next time I go?

Me and a little one

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Friday morning and we are off to build home shelters. I had done this on my first mission trip with Vanessa in February 2010 but didn’t think I would get to participate this time. We all bounced along in the back of the pick up truck; the Mission volunteers and the family and friends of the people that would get a new home shelter that day. I love riding in the back of the truck; it’s not exactly something you have the opportunity to do back in the States. The blowing wind cooled things off for a little while at least.

Riding in the back of the truck

We arrived at the first home shelter site and hiked up the hill. We met the young mother who was to receive the home shelter and was there to help along with her two children. Right next to where the new foundation of concrete blocks had been set was the structure they were all living in now. I took a family “before” picture of their current shelter with it’s rusted aluminum sheet walls, plastic bags and bits and pieces of wood holding it together and would later take another picture of them in front of their new home.

Before....

And after (with Colleen, home shelter sponsor)

The mother and her young son were helping the others build while we did a lot of watching. This felt very uncomfortable however; I understood that the reality is, most of us would just be in the way. At least I know I would. I was happy to help carry things around but I know from past experience that banging the hell out of those nails still doesn’t send them into that Nicaraguan wood! It is incredibly hard and dense. So I kept myself busy by looking for any children that might be nearby.

In a shelter next door, there was a young boy, about 2, playing in the dirt. I went over to him and knelt down to say hello. He had one of the dirtiest little faces I have ever seen; literally covered in dirt as was the rest of him. He had a wary look in his eyes so I smiled and asked if I could take his picture. When I showed it to him afterwards; he broke into a fit of giggles that surprised me and made me laugh as well. He thought the picture of himself was just hysterical and I was pleased that this small thing could make him so happy.

Sweet dirty little boy

His laughs brought other children over and before I knew it, I was snapping one picture after another, just to make them all laugh. I might not be helping too much with the home shelter but at least I had done something that made these little people happy for a time.

Happy children

Diana, our 13 year old translator was a real treat. I had met her at the compound and her English was so good, that I actually asked if she was an American. There wasn’t a trace of an accent. Since I knew we would be without a translator on our home shelter expedition, I had asked if she might be allowed to come and she was thrilled with the opportunity. During a lull in the action, Diana and I talked about her dreams for the future. She shared some things about her family, in particular information about her mother which led us into a conversation about the types of choices Diana would make for her future. I reminded her that whatever choice she did make, it was hers to make. She had the right to say “no” and to choose when she wanted to have children. I encouraged her to work hard in school and to go on to university. But in reality, she needed little encouragement from me as she already knew that she wanted to study medicine and become a doctor. Although she wanted to visit the U.S., she planned to return home to Nicaragua to practice medicine with her people. I felt very heartened and hopeful that this young woman was an example of the next generation that will bring positive change to her country.

After the second home shelter was completed, we rode back in the bed of the truck again but this time it started to rain and rain hard. Within a few minutes, we were all soaked through, our hair and faces streaming with water. I thought it was all pretty cool since the rain washed off the sweat and dust and cooled us off. Since we had a one-shower per day limit at the compound, I felt getting drenched by the rain as a good thing.

Diana had done such a fantastic job translating, that I called Sr. Debbie to ask if she might come with us to Juan Pablo later that afternoon. I knew that I would be talking with Sor (Sister) Andrea and the language barrier would be a real problem. Diane was delighted when we received word that this special request had been approved. I suggested that she continue to offer her services to the MoH, especially at the medical clinic and she said she would be happy to.

Once back, I dried off and re-grouped since I had to pack to stay overnight at El Crucero once again. I needed only to bring a few things plus my notebook and folders but it always takes a while to make sure I have it all. So I was late for lunch – again. Bev, a true lunch-lady of the kindest sort allowed me to get some food. I appreciated her help AND that she didn’t scold me. I was pretty tired of being scolded about one rule or another. I seemed to be continually breaking them despite my efforts at compliance. There are A LOT of rules on mission and a lot of Type “A” personalities that feel the need to enforce them.

About 6 of us drove to Juan Pablo with Chico the driver in one of the rented vans. When we arrived, Sor Andrea let us in through the iron barred gate that was a necessary security protection. She seemed to remember me and greeted me cordially. Sor Andrea is not the warmest of the sisters I have met on mission but she has an incredibly hard job that I cannot imagine doing. She is responsible for the children 24/7 in a hot, old, small building populated with up to 30 children all under 7. There are two other nuns who help plus some of the older girls from El Crucero. Still, it is unimaginable to think of doing this – what goes through her mind when she wakes in the morning? She is kind to the children though and does a wonderful job of teaching them so by the time they move up to El Crucero for school, many of them are already reading at 5 years old.

Sor Andrea

Juan Pablo was quieter than I had ever seen it. Since it was Saturday, the day care children that are dropped off during the week were not there so only the “internals”, the children that lived there permanently were there, save one little boy dropped off for the day.

I immediately looked for Allison and found her sitting in a small chair. She was unusually quiet and a little shy when I greeted her and although I think she knew who I was, she didn’t talk to or engage with me. I left her alone so that she might get used to all of us being there and Diana and I went off to give out some of the beautiful handmade dresses that Bev had given me before we left. Then I wanted to talk to Sor Andrea about the children and the status at Juan Pablo. The other ladies that had come with me were all enthusiastic about playing with the children and before I knew it, they were all mostly on the floor keeping the children occupied. I was happy to see this as there wasn’t much going on before we got there so I presume that this play time would be the highlight of their day.

Playing on the floor

When a street vendor went by selling ice cream, I ran out and bought ice pops for everyone, children, the missioners and the nuns. We all enjoyed the cool treat although the littlest ones needed to be washed from head to toe when they were finished as they were covered in sticky, melted ice pops!

I had brought a large floor puzzle that kept them everyone busy and when I was done talking to Sor Andrea, I began taking pictures of the children. Orquidia Guadalupe or Lupe, my daughter Vanessa’s sponsor child looked so pretty in her new dress, as did Rosita, the little fireball and Allison who had gotten involved in the activities. Also there was Josue, Rosita’s little brother who had gotten so big since I last saw him and Jose, a new baby that was only 5 weeks old. His 17 year old mother was also staying at Juan Pablo.

3 new dresses

I asked if I could take a picture of the two of them together and although she said yes, she refused to look at the camera. When I showed her the picture, she smiled but I saw the tear tracks that ran down her face. My heart broke as I realized that she might be embarrassed to have her picture taken and I reached over to stroke her face and tried to tell her it would be all right. I had known in advance that she was there and knew also that her story was difficult. I wanted to do something to comfort her though and with Diana’s help talked to her a little about her plans for the future. I encouraged her to go back to school and to finish her studies. She didn’t seem to think this was necessary but I persisted until she smiled in what I hoped might be agreement.

Aracelli and baby Jose

I made a tour of the facility, looking at the kitchen and living areas. At this point, I had been there enough times that I felt I could go into these private areas; I was looking for improvement and areas that needed help. Unfortunately, I was not pleased to find that there were cockroaches in the kitchen and the refrigerator was not full of food.

Madre Griselda was scheduled to meet me at Juan Pablo at 4pm to pick up me and Allison but she surprised me and arrived early. The others from Mission left with Chico and Madre and I began our attempt to have Allison come with us. But she seemed to sense that something was going on, because she had become sullen and quiet and was sitting in her chair quietly clutching her little bag. Madre asked her if she wanted to come and then the drama began.

She ran to the back room and into her bed crying and wailing that she didn’t want to go; she wanted to go home to her mama. I let Madre talk to her as I didn’t think I would be much help; it was the Nuns she knew the best. Madre was so patient and gentle with her; not once did I see her get angry at what was effectively a temper tantrum, no matter how understandable. This attitude of kindness and patience is something I have seen over and over again and it amazes me. I’m a mother an know how challenging and trying children can be; these women never seem to lose their patience. Incredible.

In the meantime, I asked Sor Andrea if I could bring Allison’s things – clothes or toys – with us. She said she had nothing to bring. The impact of this would hit me later, after the drama had subsided, as I realized that this little girl did not own a thing. No toys, no clothes, not anything that did not belong to the communal whole. The unfairness of this infuriated me although I realized that it was a consequence of institutional living but I didn’t have to like it.

Allison was not calming down so drastic measures were called for. Arelyis, the mother of Rosita and Josue had to physically pick her up and put her into the truck, while Allison was screaming all the while. Madre had also decided to bring Rosita with us in an effort to placate Allison but also because Rosita would be moving back up to El Crucero in the near future as well. She, Allison and Lupe were all the same age and would begin school soon.

Once in the truck, Allison continued to whimper although the screaming and the tears had stopped. It is very difficult to communicate with an upset child when you don’t speak their language very well so since I couldn’t say anything that would help, I started to sing quietly instead. I sang all of the verses of Mary had a Little Lamb three times and the Mockingbird song (you know the one, Mamma’s gonna’ buy you a mockingbird…). And when I ran out of words, I made them up. I don’t really know if it helped but it didn’t hurt. We played with the few random toys that we had brought with us and eventually, both girls started smiling.

Smiles at last

By the time we left the city and started driving up the mountain, Allison and Rosita were both eagerly looking at the window at the scenery. While Rosita had been back and forth quite a few times, Allison had not made the trip as frequently so it was exciting for her; I could see it in her face. This made me happy since the whole point of making this change was to give her new experiences.

Once we arrived at El Crucero, Madre went about her business and I went with the 2 little girls to the dormitory area. But first, Allison ran around the courtyard in the brilliant sun shine whooping with delight. The picture of her big smile and her hair flying as she ran is frozen in my mind. This is what I wanted her to have, a chance and a place to run.

By now, the other little children had come to greet the 2 girls and they were running around in a pack. The rest of the afternoon passed and as I walked with the various little children to another building (there are multiple buildings in the compound), I was surprised to see Mariel and Elena. While I knew they were there on Saturday, they had not planned to stay overnight. However, the older girls had begged them to do so and I found them all watching a movie on Mariel’s laptop. I was happy to see them and really happy that we would now have Elena as a translator.

After dinner with the older girls and Sor M&M, I was asked to come see a special Powerpoint presentation that Mariel had helped the girls prepare for me. Each of the slides had a picture of one of the children followed by their age, birth date, favorite hobby or sports team and their dreams for the future. Each child read their own bio out loud and it was sweet to see who would read shyly and who didn’t. I really enjoyed it and told them all I was very proud of them. I then asked them to prepare one for me for my next visit that included how they planned to make their dreams come true.

That night, after the children had gone to bed, I sat in the other room writing in my journal. Sor M&M joined me and we had a conversation using my little yellow Spanish-English book when we got stuck on a word. Since Sor M&M has no English and my Spanish is limited, this was quite often. I asked about her family and her health and felt that our conversation was between two friends that were getting to know each other a little better. She then talked about her vocation and her belief in God, or El Senor as they refer to God, and how she was always searching for answers. I told her that I found my answers to God in helping the children. She smiled at that.

Allison had settled in for bed although she had asked me numerous times when she was going back to Juan Pablo. I told her “No se”, or I don’t know, which wasn’t true but we had decided to hold off on telling her the full story for a little while longer. So we lay in the small bunk – wow, was this thing hard! – and I waited for her to fall asleep. Once she did, she tossed and turned only a little but a few times, she rolled right into me and bonked me in the head. Little children sleep the same way all over the world.

Sleeping and dreaming